More than a shape…

This morning as I was headed downstairs, I was eagerly anticipating what sort of message my husband left for me. When he drives to work by himself he leaves a sweet, funny or encouraging note and sticks it somewhere he knows I will see it .

Most of the time the kids find it first because they rush down the stairs also looking for it .This morning his message was different than the rest and the kids quickly took notice . Jayden said, “mom, he didn’t write anything … he just cut out a shape.” Then she quickly handed it to me in disappointment. She was so used to seeing a message written down on each note , that even though there was a note ,there wasn’t a big obvious message written down that she could plainly see . To me though, being the recipient, very quickly I saw that the beautiful shape was a sweet freshly cut out heart …

I reminded Jayden ,”daddy couldn’t write a message because he didn’t have a pen 🖊, since we brought them all to the basement .” She said “ooooooooh yeah!!!! “ in her funny Jayden voice . She then looked at the shape again and said “it’s a heart ! Why didn’t I see that before ? “ I said ,” it’s because you looked for a message that was obvious and written down to know what daddy was trying to say . When you didn’t see it you got discouraged . Also you were trying to receive the message that was for mommy.

We can so obviously see what God is trying to say when the message is written plainly or through revelations of others . They know how the father speaks to them and they share the excitement. Only through a personal relationship will you begin to see how God communicates with you . Oh how I wish I knew this years ago.

See, I spent most of my life doubting the way God spoke to me because of a pastor that told me God didn’t reveal things to women. Despite reading truth, I figured I missed something because I wasn’t raised in the traditional church setting. For years I kept quiet and wrote in my journals and felt like I was in a relationship I had to hide .

Through trials and tribulations I finally reached the ultimate low . I literally went to bed knowing I was somehow a mistake and that Living was not for me. I had this yearning for speaking truths in a different way then I have seen , but didn’t have anyone before me that I knew, that was a woman and did the same . ( thank God I do now) I was done anyway , so I finally spoke out loud all the hurt and pain that I have held onto for so long. Then morning came . I had joy! I can’t explain it. It was literally just like that ! after two years of just, yeah serious hurts.
I was refreshed, I was seeing these beautiful revelations I used to see back when I was in “hiding” of sorts . The more I shared with others the more frequent these moments would come to me . I also realized it never stopped , I was just so clouded by depression and anxiety that I couldn’t see or even think clearly.

You see , like Jayden I thought God stopped showing these moments to me because others were right about God not revealing truth to women ,only through men . Instead of mere moments , I spent over two years in the dark staring at message after message but I was so discouraged I didn’t see it . This morning michael didn’t have a pen , so he used what he had . Just because something has changed doesn’t mean God just says , oh ok … she’s lost . Next person haha !

To my friends . Eagerly anticipate God’s voice in your relationship. He doesn’t hide himself from us. He doesn’t just stop speaking when we need him most . If you feel the way I did, remember this . It may not be a clear written out message everyone understands or even the typical way God speaks to you . This time he is doing a new thing and showing you things in a different way . Sometimes it won’t make sense to others because like my sweet daughter , the message wasn’t for her , it was for me .

So , whether you are in your valley or scaling the mountain tops , he is still speaking to you . God is good whether we are or not .❤️ He chose us , even when we fail to keep choosing him.
He doesn’t give us the cold shoulder , he actively pursues us!

Rest easy in His promises my sweet friends.

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