Steps, steps, steps

Hours before heading to Mesa Verde Cave dwellings , I was watching a video with our kids about the history of Colorado. The video gave in- depth information and instantly drew us to another video about the cave dwellings specifically . We decided to watch a guided tour as we were teeming with excitement for this newest and most anticipated adventure .

As we embarked on this video , I instantly realized what I expected, wasn’t reality . This wasn’t a nice safe walk and boom beautiful cave dwellings . This most photographed portion of the destination, the absolute cherry on top photograph in my mind ,involved climbing a ladder , did I mention cliff ? My heart began palpitating , I had visions of my children falling down and me missing a step causing a crowd of others getting hurt because I slipped . My palms started sweating and I began to unintentionally hold my breath. My kids could see my face and said what’s wrong ? I quickly changed my face to a smile and said “oh nothing , just watching the video.”

They said “ oh my gosh mom isn’t this going to be amazing “ I thought to myself “ no, it’s absolutely terrifying and I can’t breathe “ but I responded with “ absolutely” . Of course giving my children anxiety about it , wasn’t the wisest choice so I chose excitement .

As we continued watching the video the tour guide said , the only advice I can give you is “ don’t look up and don’t look down , focus on the steps you are on .” The crowd laughed and one lady replied “ well of course , if you look down you see how far you can fall, and if you look up you get anxious about how much higher you have to climb .”

You would think that’s when the revelation hit , but nope , my anxiety heightened and I realized that they too understood the fearfulness of climbing the ladder and needed to lighten the mood . The kids looked at me after the conversation ended between the people and they too looked at me like “ uh mom, are you going to let us do this ?” Mom wouldn’t let us do this if it wasn’t safe or we could get hurt,” replied Nathan .

I paused and said “honestly kids , everything we do involves risk. Getting in a car, walking on the street or even eating food . But we do it , because there is no enjoyment in life if you constantly think of the what if . Some risk takes little to no courage and some take lots of courage and then some takes courage that we absolutely can not formulate on our own without God .”

As I was speaking I was navigating to the cave dwellings website , still sweating with this undeniable pressure in my chest . I was locating ticket prices and age limits for everyone and an alert popped up. It said the treehouse version of the cave dwellings , the part of the attraction we all anticipated and longed for was closed for a need for structural inspection. I honestly had the biggest ,I mean biggest weight off my shoulders .

There would be no climbing the ladder .

The kids were a bit disappointed that we got rerouted again, but we ended up finding the coolest campground after and decided to stay 2 nights , which we never do . I truly believe the kids had more fun here then they would have on the big scary ladder .

Fast forward to being back on the road after a heated debate with my husband and as we both sat in silence . Then the actual revelation hit …..

“Steps , steps, steps .” That’s all I kept saying to my husband or anyone I meet , which I know gets annoying . But honestly that’s how I feel the Holy Spirit speak to me about my life . The lord knows my anxious thoughts and calms them with an assurance that each step has already been made , I just need to listen closely even when it doesn’t make sense and ultimately it will lead exactly where I am meant to be .

That’s when the remark of the tour guide in the video actually resonated with me . Now as my mind was focused on gaining strength and some sort of peace after being completely agitated , it all started coming in.

You see when I was anxious and not capturing my thoughts , I was unable to receive revelation. I was so focused on the fear .

You see , there are steps to every thing in life . Whether Worldly order or kingdom order . I have a choice. Should I listen to the gentle whisper that leads to life and fruit or listen to the world and lead to exhaustion and self promoting gain and pride .

Both choices have steps . The world’s steps are usually ones you see , the ones that always makes sense , a+b=c , ones you can explain the outcome . Kingdom steps usually take faith which means you do not see at first , ones that sometimes make no sense , and 1+ God = exceedingly abundantly more than you could have ever done on your own .

The key to your ultimate destination is simply what the man in the video said . Do not look up and do not look down , focus on the step you are on .

When you are climbing steps and are struggling to gain footing on one , do you immediately try to grasp above even though you aren’t firmly settled on the step you are on ? Listen , I wish I could say I’m not that stubborn , but I have tried this and yeh , moving forward when you aren’t firmly rooted or have learned the lesson of that step ,results in pain , being overworked unnecessarily or falling straight on your butt .

Today I’m not physically able to see my promise , today I am still wobbling on the current step but still believing , and today I am accepting and surrendering to the process that this step entails for my good . I am focusing on the current step that God has me on , without looking up the ladder with anxiety with how far I have to go , or looking down ( or back) with how far I could fall.

All my steps are placed , all your steps are placed . God is for you . The steps are perfectly laid out for you and your destiny . Do not be anxious . This is for his glory .His goodness and mercy follow you , so stand firm , keep listening , keep seeking , keep asking ….. what you seek you will find . What God has for you , is for you … God doesn’t run out of his goodness , God doesn’t forget , God is patient .

This is kingdom business , his ways are not ours, so rest easy …. Everything God has promised already exists , so let’s believe 🙂 ❤️

He is an exceedingly abundantly type of Daddy. He won’t settle for what we want , he goes above and beyond anything we can imagine .

Living witness

Hey y’all , I know I’ve been silent for a little bit. Every time I wanted to post I had the urging to wait . I question whether the cares of this world like being a homemaker, mommy, and wife started taking front seat . For now , I’ll say I believe I needed to be obedient and allow God to do some heart work after going through a trial that was so close to leaving me bitter . Now, after God’s amazing grace and favor , many changes have been made and the words are flowing faster than ever before. So here we go my beautiful family in Christ 😍. He will use this too 😍

The past 13 years of me and michael’s relationship there has been ups and downs . Good decisions and down right dumb decisions . There has been wisdom and there has been foolishness . We have both feasted and we have had famine . We have had amazing times and we have had tragedy . We have been unselfish and so selfish. We have either grown or gone backwards . You see , where we are now , finally living our dream , didn’t happen overnight . For some people it does , but for us it didn’t . Did we have some absolute unmerited favor to be where are now , yes ! Did we just “do” everything right to get here NO. However , we do have a Father in heaven who does not lie and even perfectly places every single step that we need to make it to the will he has for us . When we walk off course , he provides a way out. How radical ? You see ,

Every single positive and negative God has used for our good . We aren’t these super amazing powerful people who just came up with all this on our own. God gave us the desire to reach people a different way . You know what , even that we don’t do with our own strength . We haven’t been consistent either , We have at times even given up our dream to be what others would call “responsible ”. We got tired of criticism , so we conformed . But you know , being criticized and happy is so much better than being told to “ settle down” and be miserable because that’s just not how God made us . Not everyone is like us and that’s totally amazing because the world can’t function if everyone was exactly the same . That’s the beauty of it all. When we live the life we were called to live , the life we were knit for in Jesus, there is this peace . We all have Perfectly woven talents , gifts,and personalities that God knew this world needed in our DNA. It’s ok if your light may look different than someone else’s , your light may be sprinkled with glitter 😂, the substance is what is the same . Today , let’s Love our neighbor , even if your neighbor changes constantly because your family decided to live in an RV. ❤️ Remember today, God’s goodness isn’t calculated by our performance or our works . Believe today in the “Good News” of the gospel and the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross and see supernatural provision in your life . Blessings and favor over your family today 🙂

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭

Witnesses of God’s unmerited favor and provision

Before you Sleep, smile at me

You toss and turn , snuggle deep

My eyes lock on , you pretend to sleep

You find comfort , the perfect place

My mind is at peace, when I see your face

You open your eyes , I am here

My heart is proud , you want me near

You doze in and out , I could cry

My pride for you , I can’t deny

You look up , you investigate for a while

Then as you drift , I see a smile

That smile is a gift , before you rest

My love for you , I give my best

You drift to sleep, you breathe so still

My mind tries guilt , against my will

You are my baby , you grow so fast

My joy for you , will always last

Now mommy’s turn , I am in and out

My heart so full, I could shout

I close my eyes , lay down my head

Guilt is gone , I give grace instead

I keep real still, so you will not wake

I love being mommy , I also love a little break

Then as I drift off , as still as can be

I hear a whisper ,beloved , will you smile at me?

This poem is inspired by the smiles of my children before they sleep. The joy and love I feel when they take a moment for that one last smile . It reminds me that our Daddy in heaven also loves for us to just be comforted by his presence , to look his way and smile with perfect peace and confidence in Him.

Like a child

“Truly I say to you, unless you will be converted and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:3

You know the days where your kids have seemingly lost their minds and you question your sanity ? You know on those days that one child in particular will try you over and over and just forget all the rules . Well this was the exact scenario a few days ago with my second to youngest daughter Jayden.

If anyone knows Jayden , you know she is my free spirited , soft hearted, and super hilarious child . I am pretty sure broadway or some sort of acting is in her future ok. She is our child that we are able to look at in a certain way and she will stop doing whatever it is that is wrong . But this day in particular just wasn’t happening .

So of course , I lose it . I “tried” to be calm , I “tried” to let it not build up . But yeh, I failed .Honestly ,what she was doing wasn’t horrific, it was just all throughout the day little things that were clearly defiant and just aggravating ( for lack of better words).Of course I let guilt set in and I came to her and assured her that getting correction was not wrong; however , the way I corrected was.

I probably looked like a toddler throwing a tantrum honestly haha ( it’s funny now, but I felt horrible). So we had our talk and everything calmed down probably because we assured each other that everything was settled.

I know it sounds bad , but I was like , yeh I feel bad how I reacted , but at least now she’s listening ( don’t hate me , I am human too) . As soon as that thought crossed my mind , Jayden asked me “ mom, can I have some ice cream and then go to the trail to ride scooters. “

If y’all could see my face . I thought to myself , (this is going to sound bad) , but I thought …. “did she really just ask for dessert annnnnd going to a trail to ride her scooter when we finally just had some peace between each other . “ Thank God I kept that thought to myself , even though my face may have talked for me . If I would have spoken too quickly I would have missed what the Holy Spirit was showing me in that moment .

You see , even though we said sorry and made things right and I DID forgive her , I was still shocked that she just so openly asked for not one but two things. It was already getting late , I’m already exhausted and it was getting to the point of settling down , I mean completely inopportune timing . I didn’t even have time to really just come to terms with my own attitude and forgive myself fully and apparently not fully forgetting what she had done ( I’m not God).

Heck, I was still analyzing what part of her childhood memories I messed up or the guilt of possibly breaking her spirit haha. ( only funny now).

How could my child even feel comfortable coming to me after a day full of agitation.

That’s when the revelation hit .

Many times in life I would hide my needs , wants, desires, even failures from God because let’s face it , I wasn’t where I thought I should be . People would say , “ come as you are” and when I did I was the object of judgement and gossip. Like, listen I didn’t choose my superpower at the time to be crazy, depressed, and needy ok. I brought my demons and the people fled . So , I thought if church people who aren’t perfect like God are ashamed of me , how much more will My perfect Father be .

Ouch , yeh I was super wrong and my belief system was influenced by a lot of outward and religious spirits ( including me , so cringe).

What the Holy Spirit was showing me through Jayden was boldness , faith in her mother’s love and ability to meet her demands despite her outward actions . You see , God doesn’t want us to come boldly to the throne room of Grace because we are perfect and never mess up on our own . He wants for us to come boldly and have confidence in his grace and in his position as our Abba ( daddy) in heaven , so that he can meet the needs. We come boldly because he is well pleased with Jesus and he sees Jesus , so whew. Whether it be healing, financial, spiritual, unanswered questions , behavior, whatever it is we need to come boldly.

See unlike God I have limitations in my flesh , I am unable to forget when my daughter just sinned so sometimes it lingers , Even though I want to give her all she asks , sometimes that something extra is conditional.

With God we are saved by grace , nothing we did, it is a gift. He is not shocked or surprised when we come to him after acting foolish , asking bold requests . He is constant in our relationship, he is forgiving , he wipes the slate clean constantly . You see he isn’t limited in his sight by our flesh , because it’s been covered in Jesus blood . He sees Jesus .

So rest easy friends and go boldly to the throne room of grace fully forgiven asking and making requests know to our Father.

He isn’t going to look at you like I did my daughter shocked at how could so many requests be made after a day of aggravation. No, he is pleased that we trust and believe that he made a way for us to be this close. The good news is we don’t have to be disntant from God’s power like before Jesus sacrificed his life and torn the veil. Now we are seated near at his right hand basking in his presence , not hindered by our behavior . We are only hindered by our unbelief of Jesus sacrifice and unbelief of who we are in Him.

I pray today that you come boldly to our Father and make all requests known, tell him where you are lacking in any area. Draw closer to Him and bask in his presence . Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you to the throne room of grace and his powerful presence . Then you will see that despite your behavior or outward issues , your Daddy is waiting for you to come to him so he can show you a way out .

I pray that you no longer depend on your own ability to be righteous or holy but, Jesus’ ability to be righteous and Holy. I pray that you see yourself the way God does and when you accept that love , you will start seeing others in that way as well. In Jesus name , amen

Will we have weak days , will we have days where we don’t “feel” spiritual … yes, but even though we are not constant , God is . His promises are yes and amen, unconditionally and with all sincerity .

There is not a better confidant, friend,and helper than the spirit of God . Only he can give perfect direction and action plans . So come boldly brothers and sisters, he’s waiting with excitement .

So lord , I choose to come To you as my child comes to me . Boldly and knowing that she is forgiven. Knowing I want what is best for her and want to see her succeed . Knowing I want to help her solve her issues . Knowing I want to see her well and pursuing the purpose she was made for . Knowing despite her mistakes I will help every way I can.

Remember ….

We are not Perfect alone, so let’s rest and rely on the ONE who is . God ❤️ …People , even me , can’t give you perfect relationship. Only HIM .

Blessings and favor over each of you amen !

You make me Confident

     One morning Nathan came into the room and said,” Mom, I have not been able to use the video editor for a long time, can I pleeeease use it.” I said “well, where’s my laptop?”  ( at that point I forgot Michael fixed Nathan’s computer) and he said, “it’s also on my computer” Before I could say yes, he said, “no, I want to use your laptop so I know you are watching me , because when you do I feel more confident.” My heart melted and this overwhelming heaviness filled my chest, like that, must catch my breath because it just overwhelmed me with  such JOY. I immediately thought, “WOW, even though lately he feels as if we have been unfair as parents, and has truly been verbal about it, he still desires for me to watch him do what he truly loves. He finds confidence, oh that word I have lacked all my life, he grows confident when I am watching him.

     That means so much to me because as a parent there are times where you just do not feel like you are getting anything right. As my children grow, my now not so little Nathan is our first. You know the oldest, the one we transition to every new stage of life with first. The one who lives up to the meaning of his name, leader. I think of how sometimes when we take lead in any area of our life, it can seem scary. It does not help that sometimes in life, you do not really realize mistakes until you have already made them, especially in parenting. Despite all the times of when I doubt myself, this one moment of just trust from my son, this longing for my presence, shut up all the voices in my head. Little did he know that he too made me confident.

     You know in our world right now, it feels as if you can only truly get your point across, be seen for your talents or even mean anything until the product is finished. Oh, the pressure this society gives on performance. Nathan taught me that the process can be just as beautiful and helpful as the finished product.

     I really am just blown away that my child has found something I have lacked my whole life, and that is the confidence to mess up and mess up in front others , knowing that I won’t always get it perfect and that it’s ok. Gosh, I learn so much from these beautiful babies and I can never describe the gratitude. Do we have hard days and just nights where I legit come to the end of myself? Those nights I just want to ball up and ask why God would choose me to be the mother of these amazing children. It’s in those moments, where his grace falls over me and reminds me, that he will guide every step, that as much as I love my children, he loves them more.

                                                  That is when the revelation hit.

    This is how confident we should feel when we are walking into the calling God has given us. You know that specific area he has gifted you for his glory. It may not be your job right now, because let us face it, how on earth will this gift supply what we need right now? Your gift will make room for you and He will provide.The lord showed me through my child that all I need is to stay in his presence, be confident in his presence and want him to watch every step of the way. To be confident that he is rooting us on and has eyes of grace for any missteps. To know as surely as I want for my child to succeed, our Abba wants us to succeed as well. He set us up for victory, not a failure. He gently whispers I am for you; I am for you; you have everything you need in me.

    Through the eyes of Grace, we see that he wants to watch, lead, guide, calm us when we get frustrated because we cannot figure it out on our own. Oh, but when you allow his presence to be there, you will not mess everything up, just look up and he will redirect you to the solution.

      You see, when Nathan is on the laptop editing, he always starts off so excited! He is so glad I allowed him to work on his talent for editing videos. Oh, when he starts, he is just so gung-ho! He Is just trying new things, clicking on everything, and just ahh zealous. He quickly looks,” mom, mom, Look, LOOK, watch me.” As time goes by, he becomes frustrated, he gets to a point where he faces an obstacle, because there is a new skill or lesson to be learned. In this moment, when an obstacle arises , if he was in any way scared of judgment, then this would be a time he would give up. Instead he knows that I want him to succeed, not suffer harshly. He knows that I want him to find out the solution.

    He then asks me quickly, “mom, where do I find the answer to this?” I do not always give an outright answer to my children, But I always provide a way for them to find it.  All you must do is ask knowing that I want the best for you, so be confident. All he must do is realize I am just watching in complete love and just waiting for him to turn to me with every question. I have been there, you start something, and along the way there is more learning to do. I can look at him with eyes of Grace because there is no mess up or wrong turn that he can take, that will lead me to judge him , but to guide him and comfort him knowing I am for him.

    The foundation is necessary, the basic understanding is necessary, the tasks that require help is necessary in this life. Coming to the end of ourselves is necessary and oh so beautiful when the Father’s presence brings you confidence and not condemnation and guilt.

      Oh the joy our Abba (Daddy) must feel when we truly understand how much he is for us. How much we see ourselves as beloved when we put on our mind of Christ. You see when I think of what would Jesus mind and thoughts  consist of , I can go to scripture and see that he knows he is the beloved who his father is well pleased, when Lazarus died he already knew his Father already gave him everything he asked for ( but it was for us, that he spoke), you see he knows where he is placed at, at the right hand of the father , fully equipped for everything the Father sends him to do. He is confident that any direction the Father sends him, that he will know the way has already been perfectly orchestrated.

     So believers, to all the beloveds whom he is well pleased, ask your Heavenly Father to watch you, so you will be confident. When you are walking in life, do not wait, ask freely and he will provide the solution. Oh! enter the throne room of his GRACE, confident that he is wanting to see you succeed. Oh, how righteous we are by faith. Even better If you believe you lack faith, that too is not of your own ability. The scripture says that Jesus is the Author and finisher of our faith. Oh that too, Grace and faith has already been finished at the cross. So put on that mind of Christ and rest in the finished work of your faith. Fruitful works will follow without the yolk of slavery. It is a by product of our understanding of the Father’s love. Believe in his love, grace and goodness and every addiction, bad habit, bad fruit will supernaturally fall way. In our Father, listen, in our Father we are complete because of Jesus.

    Put away the works in vain, oh the Martha’s in this time, rest like Mary and what you receive can never be taken.

    Oh my sweet family in Christ, I have GOOD NEWS, Oh the greatest News of all. We do not need to feel anxious or pressured when we ask our Daddy to be a part of our lives. You are not the author and finisher of your faith, you are not the one with the power of your own might to supernaturally transform. When you come to the father, as an infant drink of the milk, get to know your Daddy and he will teach you who you are. Would you send an infant out to work immediately, oh but an infant doesn’t even know what the works are, step back and let the Holy spirit work Believers. Let all works be fruitful by the Holy Spirit. Let the infant know that  in order for the works to have power it is not of themselves. Let those righteous deeds be done with JOY and hope. Put away the grumbling and complaining. They need to know they are so loved, righteous and complete in Christ. Then the byproduct of His love and acceptance is fruitful works.  Rest easy and know that God is God. Be free my sisters and brothers in Christ, let the Holy spirit lead and great revival will come.  He Is the father full of UNMERITED favor and grace, the law already brought us to the end of ourselves our inability to be righteous on our own, and oh How sweet is it that Jesus came to fulfill it because on our own it is impossible. Oh that we may have a renewed relationship with our Heavenly Father. If that alone was not enough, Our Daddy loves us so much , he sent a helper ( the Holy Spirit) to gently remind us, to comfort us , to lead us down the roads that are the best for us, to give us power our friend who is gentle and oh so mighty. The one who whispers and brings down a might rushing wind. The one who whispers you are loved and Brings Our savor back from the dead. You see our daddy sent us the best equipment to see us succeed , be transformed by the renewing of your minds, be filled with the spirit all you have to do is ask and be still in him and listen for the steps, the direction . Go into the secret place and let him Guide you.

    For those who do not know have a personal relationship with Jesus,  it’s ok that this will sound like straight foolishness. But if you to want to experience a love like this and walk into your destiny, in scripture we are told to repent, ( turn way/ change our minds) about sin , Believe in the son Jesus and this finished work at the cross and be saved. Then you will be filled with your helper the holy spirit to guide. Then as an infant, immediately Drink of the spiritual milk of his word, just like a baby and rest on the Father’s chest for that skin to skin contact and let him love you and carry you like an infant and speak to you from his word. If you find yourself not understanding, ask for wisdom and it will be given. Put off all the former things you perceived to know about the Lord and who YOU used to be and let our Father reveal himself and show you for himself who He and who you are now. From there my friend, you will go through stages of growth and understanding, but never forget that Just as quickly as my son could turn around ask for help and direction or even to show me praise, Our father will be there for you to.

     Come, whether saved or unsaved. Put off the Former things, your Daddy wants to see you succeed. So, invite him, so you too…

Can be Confident.

John 3:16

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

“and the is Salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved .” Acts 4:12

he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit” Titus 3:5

 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 
not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

At the Home of Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” luke 10:38-42


John 1:14-17 (AMP) And the Word (Christ) became flesh, and lived among us; and we [actually] saw His glory, glory as belongs to the [One and] only begotten Son of the Father, [the Son who is truly unique, the only One of His kind, who is] full of grace and truth (absolutely free of deception). John testified [repeatedly] about Him and has cried out [testifying officially for the record, with validity and relevance], “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has a higher rank than I and has priority over me, for He existed before me.’” For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift]. For the Law was given through Moses, but grace [the unearned, undeserved favor of God] and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:15-17 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many. And the gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned. For the judgment which came from one offense resulted in condemnation, but the free gift which came from many offenses resulted in justification. For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

Romans 6:14-16 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?

Come back into his Grace

Galatians 5:4 You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.

What Does James 2:26 Mean by “Faith without Works is Dead?”

“In James chapter 2, James writes that “as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” Here James affirms that deeds (or actions) are the byproduct of a living faith. Works do not justify us or make us righteous before God, nor are they the means to salvation. Rather, our deeds are the fruit that grows from one who is obedient to God’s commands and transformed by His grace.” Joel Ryan
Together we will be confident in Christ, In Jesus Name , Amen