Before you Sleep, smile at me

You toss and turn , snuggle deep

My eyes lock on , you pretend to sleep

You find comfort , the perfect place

My mind is at peace, when I see your face

You open your eyes , I am here

My heart is proud , you want me near

You doze in and out , I could cry

My pride for you , I can’t deny

You look up , you investigate for a while

Then as you drift , I see a smile

That smile is a gift , before you rest

My love for you , I give my best

You drift to sleep, you breathe so still

My mind tries guilt , against my will

You are my baby , you grow so fast

My joy for you , will always last

Now mommy’s turn , I am in and out

My heart so full, I could shout

I close my eyes , lay down my head

Guilt is gone , I give grace instead

I keep real still, so you will not wake

I love being mommy , I also love a little break

Then as I drift off , as still as can be

I hear a whisper ,beloved , will you smile at me?

This poem is inspired by the smiles of my children before they sleep. The joy and love I feel when they take a moment for that one last smile . It reminds me that our Daddy in heaven also loves for us to just be comforted by his presence , to look his way and smile with perfect peace and confidence in Him.

Like a child

“Truly I say to you, unless you will be converted and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:3

You know the days where your kids have seemingly lost their minds and you question your sanity ? You know on those days that one child in particular will try you over and over and just forget all the rules . Well this was the exact scenario a few days ago with my second to youngest daughter Jayden.

If anyone knows Jayden , you know she is my free spirited , soft hearted, and super hilarious child . I am pretty sure broadway or some sort of acting is in her future ok. She is our child that we are able to look at in a certain way and she will stop doing whatever it is that is wrong . But this day in particular just wasn’t happening .

So of course , I lose it . I “tried” to be calm , I “tried” to let it not build up . But yeh, I failed .Honestly ,what she was doing wasn’t horrific, it was just all throughout the day little things that were clearly defiant and just aggravating ( for lack of better words).Of course I let guilt set in and I came to her and assured her that getting correction was not wrong; however , the way I corrected was.

I probably looked like a toddler throwing a tantrum honestly haha ( it’s funny now, but I felt horrible). So we had our talk and everything calmed down probably because we assured each other that everything was settled.

I know it sounds bad , but I was like , yeh I feel bad how I reacted , but at least now she’s listening ( don’t hate me , I am human too) . As soon as that thought crossed my mind , Jayden asked me “ mom, can I have some ice cream and then go to the trail to ride scooters. “

If y’all could see my face . I thought to myself , (this is going to sound bad) , but I thought …. “did she really just ask for dessert annnnnd going to a trail to ride her scooter when we finally just had some peace between each other . “ Thank God I kept that thought to myself , even though my face may have talked for me . If I would have spoken too quickly I would have missed what the Holy Spirit was showing me in that moment .

You see , even though we said sorry and made things right and I DID forgive her , I was still shocked that she just so openly asked for not one but two things. It was already getting late , I’m already exhausted and it was getting to the point of settling down , I mean completely inopportune timing . I didn’t even have time to really just come to terms with my own attitude and forgive myself fully and apparently not fully forgetting what she had done ( I’m not God).

Heck, I was still analyzing what part of her childhood memories I messed up or the guilt of possibly breaking her spirit haha. ( only funny now).

How could my child even feel comfortable coming to me after a day full of agitation.

That’s when the revelation hit .

Many times in life I would hide my needs , wants, desires, even failures from God because let’s face it , I wasn’t where I thought I should be . People would say , “ come as you are” and when I did I was the object of judgement and gossip. Like, listen I didn’t choose my superpower at the time to be crazy, depressed, and needy ok. I brought my demons and the people fled . So , I thought if church people who aren’t perfect like God are ashamed of me , how much more will My perfect Father be .

Ouch , yeh I was super wrong and my belief system was influenced by a lot of outward and religious spirits ( including me , so cringe).

What the Holy Spirit was showing me through Jayden was boldness , faith in her mother’s love and ability to meet her demands despite her outward actions . You see , God doesn’t want us to come boldly to the throne room of Grace because we are perfect and never mess up on our own . He wants for us to come boldly and have confidence in his grace and in his position as our Abba ( daddy) in heaven , so that he can meet the needs. We come boldly because he is well pleased with Jesus and he sees Jesus , so whew. Whether it be healing, financial, spiritual, unanswered questions , behavior, whatever it is we need to come boldly.

See unlike God I have limitations in my flesh , I am unable to forget when my daughter just sinned so sometimes it lingers , Even though I want to give her all she asks , sometimes that something extra is conditional.

With God we are saved by grace , nothing we did, it is a gift. He is not shocked or surprised when we come to him after acting foolish , asking bold requests . He is constant in our relationship, he is forgiving , he wipes the slate clean constantly . You see he isn’t limited in his sight by our flesh , because it’s been covered in Jesus blood . He sees Jesus .

So rest easy friends and go boldly to the throne room of grace fully forgiven asking and making requests know to our Father.

He isn’t going to look at you like I did my daughter shocked at how could so many requests be made after a day of aggravation. No, he is pleased that we trust and believe that he made a way for us to be this close. The good news is we don’t have to be disntant from God’s power like before Jesus sacrificed his life and torn the veil. Now we are seated near at his right hand basking in his presence , not hindered by our behavior . We are only hindered by our unbelief of Jesus sacrifice and unbelief of who we are in Him.

I pray today that you come boldly to our Father and make all requests known, tell him where you are lacking in any area. Draw closer to Him and bask in his presence . Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you to the throne room of grace and his powerful presence . Then you will see that despite your behavior or outward issues , your Daddy is waiting for you to come to him so he can show you a way out .

I pray that you no longer depend on your own ability to be righteous or holy but, Jesus’ ability to be righteous and Holy. I pray that you see yourself the way God does and when you accept that love , you will start seeing others in that way as well. In Jesus name , amen

Will we have weak days , will we have days where we don’t “feel” spiritual … yes, but even though we are not constant , God is . His promises are yes and amen, unconditionally and with all sincerity .

There is not a better confidant, friend,and helper than the spirit of God . Only he can give perfect direction and action plans . So come boldly brothers and sisters, he’s waiting with excitement .

So lord , I choose to come To you as my child comes to me . Boldly and knowing that she is forgiven. Knowing I want what is best for her and want to see her succeed . Knowing I want to help her solve her issues . Knowing I want to see her well and pursuing the purpose she was made for . Knowing despite her mistakes I will help every way I can.

Remember ….

We are not Perfect alone, so let’s rest and rely on the ONE who is . God ❤️ …People , even me , can’t give you perfect relationship. Only HIM .

Blessings and favor over each of you amen !

You make me Confident

     One morning Nathan came into the room and said,” Mom, I have not been able to use the video editor for a long time, can I pleeeease use it.” I said “well, where’s my laptop?”  ( at that point I forgot Michael fixed Nathan’s computer) and he said, “it’s also on my computer” Before I could say yes, he said, “no, I want to use your laptop so I know you are watching me , because when you do I feel more confident.” My heart melted and this overwhelming heaviness filled my chest, like that, must catch my breath because it just overwhelmed me with  such JOY. I immediately thought, “WOW, even though lately he feels as if we have been unfair as parents, and has truly been verbal about it, he still desires for me to watch him do what he truly loves. He finds confidence, oh that word I have lacked all my life, he grows confident when I am watching him.

     That means so much to me because as a parent there are times where you just do not feel like you are getting anything right. As my children grow, my now not so little Nathan is our first. You know the oldest, the one we transition to every new stage of life with first. The one who lives up to the meaning of his name, leader. I think of how sometimes when we take lead in any area of our life, it can seem scary. It does not help that sometimes in life, you do not really realize mistakes until you have already made them, especially in parenting. Despite all the times of when I doubt myself, this one moment of just trust from my son, this longing for my presence, shut up all the voices in my head. Little did he know that he too made me confident.

     You know in our world right now, it feels as if you can only truly get your point across, be seen for your talents or even mean anything until the product is finished. Oh, the pressure this society gives on performance. Nathan taught me that the process can be just as beautiful and helpful as the finished product.

     I really am just blown away that my child has found something I have lacked my whole life, and that is the confidence to mess up and mess up in front others , knowing that I won’t always get it perfect and that it’s ok. Gosh, I learn so much from these beautiful babies and I can never describe the gratitude. Do we have hard days and just nights where I legit come to the end of myself? Those nights I just want to ball up and ask why God would choose me to be the mother of these amazing children. It’s in those moments, where his grace falls over me and reminds me, that he will guide every step, that as much as I love my children, he loves them more.

                                                  That is when the revelation hit.

    This is how confident we should feel when we are walking into the calling God has given us. You know that specific area he has gifted you for his glory. It may not be your job right now, because let us face it, how on earth will this gift supply what we need right now? Your gift will make room for you and He will provide.The lord showed me through my child that all I need is to stay in his presence, be confident in his presence and want him to watch every step of the way. To be confident that he is rooting us on and has eyes of grace for any missteps. To know as surely as I want for my child to succeed, our Abba wants us to succeed as well. He set us up for victory, not a failure. He gently whispers I am for you; I am for you; you have everything you need in me.

    Through the eyes of Grace, we see that he wants to watch, lead, guide, calm us when we get frustrated because we cannot figure it out on our own. Oh, but when you allow his presence to be there, you will not mess everything up, just look up and he will redirect you to the solution.

      You see, when Nathan is on the laptop editing, he always starts off so excited! He is so glad I allowed him to work on his talent for editing videos. Oh, when he starts, he is just so gung-ho! He Is just trying new things, clicking on everything, and just ahh zealous. He quickly looks,” mom, mom, Look, LOOK, watch me.” As time goes by, he becomes frustrated, he gets to a point where he faces an obstacle, because there is a new skill or lesson to be learned. In this moment, when an obstacle arises , if he was in any way scared of judgment, then this would be a time he would give up. Instead he knows that I want him to succeed, not suffer harshly. He knows that I want him to find out the solution.

    He then asks me quickly, “mom, where do I find the answer to this?” I do not always give an outright answer to my children, But I always provide a way for them to find it.  All you must do is ask knowing that I want the best for you, so be confident. All he must do is realize I am just watching in complete love and just waiting for him to turn to me with every question. I have been there, you start something, and along the way there is more learning to do. I can look at him with eyes of Grace because there is no mess up or wrong turn that he can take, that will lead me to judge him , but to guide him and comfort him knowing I am for him.

    The foundation is necessary, the basic understanding is necessary, the tasks that require help is necessary in this life. Coming to the end of ourselves is necessary and oh so beautiful when the Father’s presence brings you confidence and not condemnation and guilt.

      Oh the joy our Abba (Daddy) must feel when we truly understand how much he is for us. How much we see ourselves as beloved when we put on our mind of Christ. You see when I think of what would Jesus mind and thoughts  consist of , I can go to scripture and see that he knows he is the beloved who his father is well pleased, when Lazarus died he already knew his Father already gave him everything he asked for ( but it was for us, that he spoke), you see he knows where he is placed at, at the right hand of the father , fully equipped for everything the Father sends him to do. He is confident that any direction the Father sends him, that he will know the way has already been perfectly orchestrated.

     So believers, to all the beloveds whom he is well pleased, ask your Heavenly Father to watch you, so you will be confident. When you are walking in life, do not wait, ask freely and he will provide the solution. Oh! enter the throne room of his GRACE, confident that he is wanting to see you succeed. Oh, how righteous we are by faith. Even better If you believe you lack faith, that too is not of your own ability. The scripture says that Jesus is the Author and finisher of our faith. Oh that too, Grace and faith has already been finished at the cross. So put on that mind of Christ and rest in the finished work of your faith. Fruitful works will follow without the yolk of slavery. It is a by product of our understanding of the Father’s love. Believe in his love, grace and goodness and every addiction, bad habit, bad fruit will supernaturally fall way. In our Father, listen, in our Father we are complete because of Jesus.

    Put away the works in vain, oh the Martha’s in this time, rest like Mary and what you receive can never be taken.

    Oh my sweet family in Christ, I have GOOD NEWS, Oh the greatest News of all. We do not need to feel anxious or pressured when we ask our Daddy to be a part of our lives. You are not the author and finisher of your faith, you are not the one with the power of your own might to supernaturally transform. When you come to the father, as an infant drink of the milk, get to know your Daddy and he will teach you who you are. Would you send an infant out to work immediately, oh but an infant doesn’t even know what the works are, step back and let the Holy spirit work Believers. Let all works be fruitful by the Holy Spirit. Let the infant know that  in order for the works to have power it is not of themselves. Let those righteous deeds be done with JOY and hope. Put away the grumbling and complaining. They need to know they are so loved, righteous and complete in Christ. Then the byproduct of His love and acceptance is fruitful works.  Rest easy and know that God is God. Be free my sisters and brothers in Christ, let the Holy spirit lead and great revival will come.  He Is the father full of UNMERITED favor and grace, the law already brought us to the end of ourselves our inability to be righteous on our own, and oh How sweet is it that Jesus came to fulfill it because on our own it is impossible. Oh that we may have a renewed relationship with our Heavenly Father. If that alone was not enough, Our Daddy loves us so much , he sent a helper ( the Holy Spirit) to gently remind us, to comfort us , to lead us down the roads that are the best for us, to give us power our friend who is gentle and oh so mighty. The one who whispers and brings down a might rushing wind. The one who whispers you are loved and Brings Our savor back from the dead. You see our daddy sent us the best equipment to see us succeed , be transformed by the renewing of your minds, be filled with the spirit all you have to do is ask and be still in him and listen for the steps, the direction . Go into the secret place and let him Guide you.

    For those who do not know have a personal relationship with Jesus,  it’s ok that this will sound like straight foolishness. But if you to want to experience a love like this and walk into your destiny, in scripture we are told to repent, ( turn way/ change our minds) about sin , Believe in the son Jesus and this finished work at the cross and be saved. Then you will be filled with your helper the holy spirit to guide. Then as an infant, immediately Drink of the spiritual milk of his word, just like a baby and rest on the Father’s chest for that skin to skin contact and let him love you and carry you like an infant and speak to you from his word. If you find yourself not understanding, ask for wisdom and it will be given. Put off all the former things you perceived to know about the Lord and who YOU used to be and let our Father reveal himself and show you for himself who He and who you are now. From there my friend, you will go through stages of growth and understanding, but never forget that Just as quickly as my son could turn around ask for help and direction or even to show me praise, Our father will be there for you to.

     Come, whether saved or unsaved. Put off the Former things, your Daddy wants to see you succeed. So, invite him, so you too…

Can be Confident.

John 3:16

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

“and the is Salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved .” Acts 4:12

he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit” Titus 3:5

 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 
not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
 
 
 

At the Home of Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” luke 10:38-42

 

John 1:14-17 (AMP) And the Word (Christ) became flesh, and lived among us; and we [actually] saw His glory, glory as belongs to the [One and] only begotten Son of the Father, [the Son who is truly unique, the only One of His kind, who is] full of grace and truth (absolutely free of deception). John testified [repeatedly] about Him and has cried out [testifying officially for the record, with validity and relevance], “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has a higher rank than I and has priority over me, for He existed before me.’” For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift]. For the Law was given through Moses, but grace [the unearned, undeserved favor of God] and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:15-17 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many. And the gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned. For the judgment which came from one offense resulted in condemnation, but the free gift which came from many offenses resulted in justification. For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

Romans 6:14-16 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?

Come back into his Grace

Galatians 5:4 You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.

What Does James 2:26 Mean by “Faith without Works is Dead?”

“In James chapter 2, James writes that “as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” Here James affirms that deeds (or actions) are the byproduct of a living faith. Works do not justify us or make us righteous before God, nor are they the means to salvation. Rather, our deeds are the fruit that grows from one who is obedient to God’s commands and transformed by His grace.” Crosswalk.com Joel Ryan
 
 
 
 
IMG_2950
Together we will be confident in Christ, In Jesus Name , Amen

More than a shape…

This morning as I was headed downstairs, I was eagerly anticipating what sort of message my husband left for me. When he drives to work by himself he leaves a sweet, funny or encouraging note and sticks it somewhere he knows I will see it .

Most of the time the kids find it first because they rush down the stairs also looking for it .This morning his message was different than the rest and the kids quickly took notice . Jayden said, “mom, he didn’t write anything … he just cut out a shape.” Then she quickly handed it to me in disappointment. She was so used to seeing a message written down on each note , that even though there was a note ,there wasn’t a big obvious message written down that she could plainly see . To me though, being the recipient, very quickly I saw that the beautiful shape was a sweet freshly cut out heart …

I reminded Jayden ,”daddy couldn’t write a message because he didn’t have a pen 🖊, since we brought them all to the basement .” She said “ooooooooh yeah!!!! “ in her funny Jayden voice . She then looked at the shape again and said “it’s a heart ! Why didn’t I see that before ? “ I said ,” it’s because you looked for a message that was obvious and written down to know what daddy was trying to say . When you didn’t see it you got discouraged . Also you were trying to receive the message that was for mommy.

We can so obviously see what God is trying to say when the message is written plainly or through revelations of others . They know how the father speaks to them and they share the excitement. Only through a personal relationship will you begin to see how God communicates with you . Oh how I wish I knew this years ago.

See, I spent most of my life doubting the way God spoke to me because of a pastor that told me God didn’t reveal things to women. Despite reading truth, I figured I missed something because I wasn’t raised in the traditional church setting. For years I kept quiet and wrote in my journals and felt like I was in a relationship I had to hide .

Through trials and tribulations I finally reached the ultimate low . I literally went to bed knowing I was somehow a mistake and that Living was not for me. I had this yearning for speaking truths in a different way then I have seen , but didn’t have anyone before me that I knew, that was a woman and did the same . ( thank God I do now) I was done anyway , so I finally spoke out loud all the hurt and pain that I have held onto for so long. Then morning came . I had joy! I can’t explain it. It was literally just like that ! after two years of just, yeah serious hurts.
I was refreshed, I was seeing these beautiful revelations I used to see back when I was in “hiding” of sorts . The more I shared with others the more frequent these moments would come to me . I also realized it never stopped , I was just so clouded by depression and anxiety that I couldn’t see or even think clearly.

You see , like Jayden I thought God stopped showing these moments to me because others were right about God not revealing truth to women ,only through men . Instead of mere moments , I spent over two years in the dark staring at message after message but I was so discouraged I didn’t see it . This morning michael didn’t have a pen , so he used what he had . Just because something has changed doesn’t mean God just says , oh ok … she’s lost . Next person haha !

To my friends . Eagerly anticipate God’s voice in your relationship. He doesn’t hide himself from us. He doesn’t just stop speaking when we need him most . If you feel the way I did, remember this . It may not be a clear written out message everyone understands or even the typical way God speaks to you . This time he is doing a new thing and showing you things in a different way . Sometimes it won’t make sense to others because like my sweet daughter , the message wasn’t for her , it was for me .

So , whether you are in your valley or scaling the mountain tops , he is still speaking to you . God is good whether we are or not .❤️ He chose us , even when we fail to keep choosing him.
He doesn’t give us the cold shoulder , he actively pursues us!

Rest easy in His promises my sweet friends.