Giving Up

One day My oldest child Nathan set up a little made up stage and asked for the whole family to watch him do magic tricks. We all gathered around him and watched in anticipation to be tricked. As he performed the first trick, he had some glitches and we could clearly see what he was trying to do . The next time he had this handkerchief and actually stumped me for a minute and then a pretend finger fell off his hand into his magic box. We had a good laugh , but it wasn’t until he performed his final trick that we actually were stumped. He asked for us to look at something in the distance and not knowing what to expect we did. Then he started this really cool quarter trick. First he had one quarter disappear, then he had two, then three , then they all vanished. I was like woah, that was actually good and I wasn’t expecting that. After finishing the trick, I said “how in the world did you do that?” for a minute there I thought this child had perfected slight of hand or something. After laughing from being able to trick us, he said “Mom, when I told ya’ll to look at that object, I quickly slipped a quarter under each of your legs, then when ya’ll were concentrating so hard on the coin holder trying to catch me, I would slide my hand under your leg grab another quarter .” I looked at him puzzled. How did I miss that?I thought I was paying attention.

That’s when the revelation hit.

A few weeks ago, I felt some sort of scheme was unfolding in my life and I thought I accurately depicted where it was going to come from, so I focused my full attention on that area. Only to find out two weeks later that although my intentions were right, I was still tricked and unprepared. I had literally stopped everything I was doing to really pray and keep my eyes open to this specific area of vulnerability. When I woke up this morning, I realized two weeks went by. I was neglecting the area I was growing in, to protect the area I was vulnerable.

The same look on my face when Nathan tricked me, was similar to the face I woke up this morning and made. How? How did I let the enemy trick me ? I was prayer purposefully, I was seeking an answer and being so watchful ? You see when the enemy showed himself in a distant area of my life that was not surrendered completely, I started trying to control it all over again. Believing if I prayed enough, or focused on it enough, that it would somehow change. You see, prayer works and so does staying focused, but the idea that my timeline or that my actions was going to change it,wasn’t.

You see, this area in my life has been one to break my spirit many times, my heart has crumbled, and I just want to ball up on cry. It’s one of those areas that take complete trust, because you can not change it on your own or in your own power. It’s an area where you have to trust God will work it all out, just like he did with me.

I know one day this will be a testimony in this area, but for now , it’s a place I decided to completely surrender to God. I felt as if I lost something , almost mourning having to let this fight go. Let this be up to God . Let this area go through the process. This is on of those steps that didn’t “feel” good but I have so much relief. It is not mine anymore, it’s not my responsibility, it’s not my project. This is a time where I can finally say that prayer and believing in God’s ability to do what he did for me again,for someone else,is Exactly what is needed right now.

In reality, I was never actually in control . I was never really going to change anything on my own and by my own ways. You see, the way Nathan got me distracted and ultimately tricked me by reverting my attention is the same way the enemy distracted me from my Calling , my message to seemingly “work” on something out of my control. This season is a season where I am meant to “speak up” I am meant to witness to the Goodness of God. Other people can not stop what God has started. My own strength is not needed in this fight, but my willingness to hold on to God’s.

This is not the season to give up and throw in the towel just because I have not seen the victory in the natural . My witness is not trampled by the actions of others, nor should it be hindered.

The thing about an illusion or trick, is that it actually didn’t happen. It is a way to distract to make you think it did. It is a device the enemy uses on God’s children to blind us from the true attack. It is a way for us to focus on the things that are already being worked on by God that is personal to distract us from the furthering of the Kingdom . For example:

The enemy gives you symptoms, to make you focus on a sickness that was already healed by the stripes of Jesus.

The enemy gives you anxiety, to worry about a care that has already been taken on by our Savior.

The enemy gives you depression , to distract you from the joy that is complete in Christ and the deliverance that is already yours.

The enemy gives you self consciousness and intimidation to keep you focused on what you can see then WHO YOU ARE. To distract you from becoming everything God wants you to be for the Kingdom.

The enemy uses guilt from your mistakes to take away the perfect peace and assurance of the Righteousness and forgiveness you already have in Christ.

The enemy also gives you a drive to be religious and completely busy with “God’s” work to distract you from fruitful works and Joy of your salvation .

Most of all the enemy likes to create an illusion that anything that strengthens your relationship with Christ in secret without being seen , is not as effective as being consistent by worldly standards and timelines.

You see brothers and sisters in Christ. the world is not run like the Kingdom. The Kingdom is not built by worldly means and schemes. The kingdom is built on spirit and truth.  The kingdom is not built on accolades and qualifications of this world. It is built on a solid foundation; it is built on the finished work of Jesus. It is built in secret and revealed in Public.  The kingdom is built with LOVE. We are witnesses to the glory and power of the Kingdom. We are lights to a dark world.

With the enemy’s trickery we have been building a Kingdom that “appears” Godly but without power, without signs and absent of Wonders. WE have built a Kingdom of worldly accolade with some hierarchy and religious qualifications.  We have puffed up when we must humble. We have controlled where we should surrender. We have become wise and have now become fools to things of God. Now is the time, Now is the time to realize the trick. Humble ourselves and repent (change our minds) about how Kingdom business is supposed to be ran. Not by human authority but by God.  Then, then we will not be carried by every wind and illusion from the enemy. We will Change the world not by our Power but the power of Christ that is in us.

United we Stand as the Body of Christ

Can you see me ?

As I laid down with my youngest daughter, Amaris, I realized she was peeking out at me with her eyes pretending to be asleep. I too started peeking out my eyes to make her laugh and out of nowhere I was really shocked to realize the difference in view when our eyes are squinted , one eye closed and other eye open. I started experimenting , because that’s what you do when you have four kids and things like this becomes cool. I did this several times , to just really capture what all I was missing through each perspective . To my surprise A LOT.

Seriously , before you continue reading , take a moment . Focus on one area and Squint your eyes , what do you see ? Now open them , what do you see ? Close your left eye , what do you see ? Then close your right eye , what do you see ? Now close your eyes all together ? I can answer this one for you here , you see nothing .

You see , that’s that’s when I realized . That is what is going on right now. We as Children of God have choices. We have a loving Father like that. We can choose to open our eyes and see the whole picture, we can choose to squint, keep one eye open or even close them all together . Even though this is absolutely a choice, even though we are already forgiven and we can make the choice , is it profitable?

I asked the Holy spirit ,What are the different types of people in this scenario?

I started writing and this is what I heard. The person with the squinted eyes is the person that is looking from afar, they are the ones that sees the injustice and when their eyes are squinted they can see what is in front with limitations. They are the ones who think they have both eyes open but fail to see what is above them . They see with both eyes but with vengeance as their first reaction . I was then reminded of when my children argue , they squint there eyes at each other to intimidate and all that does is cause the other child to also squint their eyes and builds up anger.

Then there is the person that sees only with their left eye or right eye, that is the person that can only see half the picture. They may have been raised only one way , they can not see both sides. You see they too have a choice to open their eyes , but they choose not to. You see whether you are looking only out of the left or only looking out of the right, both people are missing the full picture. They see half of what’s above and half of what’s in front, but they don’t see both sides. You see, we can not get a full picture of both sides if we aren’t willing to open both eyes. Some out of ignorance and some out of pride.

Then there are the people who close their eyes all together. They are in darkness, they are so spiritually blind that they only know how to follow others who are blind. You see, these are the people who can not see for themselves. They have loved their life always following blindly and never seeing. They close their eyes and also follow their heart , which is deceitful.

The problem here is . whether you are squinting, closing one eye, or are completely blind, you can not truly see what the FULL picture is in front of you.

Then we have the person who has both eyes fully Open. This person may have seen injustice for a long time and stayed silent. Even though you fully see, the time was not right because even though you could see with two eyes fully, you could not speak with the right heart.

You see, in a time of great injustice. A time where senseless murders and oppression are prevalent , it’s not only important to have both eyes open , but a heart that is in the right place. You must see that sensless acts are done to many people who do not deserve it. We must open our eyes and see not only what is in front of us, but all angles. Above, below and what is beside us. The only way to do that is to make the choice to open your eyes, look around, pause and really see what you are looking at . What is really going on?

Then before we speak, we have to ask ourselves, is what I am about to say going to turn this picture I am seeing darker and harder for me to see, or is what I am about to say going to brighten the picture and bring the matter into true focus.

You see when a soldier is aiming their barrel at the enemy , if their gun is not in focus they will miss their target. If the soldier is unable to see they won’t even know what they are aiming at , their true enemy. If a soldier is shooting without a clear picture of who their enemy is, then they may just shoot an ally on accident.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ. We have an enemy in this time. The same enemy that deceived Eve in the garden . The same enemy that stole everything God so freely gave her by whispering lies into her ear. Her deception also caused the downfall of her husband. Today the enemy is whispering in each person of God and we can either listen to or reject that voice. We have that choice.

The enemy is whispering to you that oppression is only for one type Of child and he did so strategically. We must know our Father’s voice in this time and not be led away like sheep ready for slaughter. I’ve been there and it almost cost me my life.

Remember the root of all that is among us, senseless murder, rape, sex trafficking, premature death, suicide, depression, fear , church hurt and racism, all come from one source the father of lies, of deception, the One who hates HUMANITY all together. He is the thief that comes only to steal, kill , and destroy… He is the Devil, Satan , Lucipher !

With that said, I can not end with a name like that because he does not deserve any more attention and just as quickly as we resist him HE must flee.

See church, We have a Savior who suffered the worst death, a death he did not deserve so that we could be free. We have a Savior who’s grace is sufficient for Such a time as this. He is King of all Kings and the king of darkness does not compare , not even a smidgen to Our Great Savior !

We have had our opinions, we have had our anger, we have had words spoken that only a time of great hate and a time of great anguish can bring about. I’ve been there. But now !

Now , while there is time to be in one mind and one accord, we must come together and fight the enemy together. Pentecost is coming and the significance of one mind and one accord hasn’t been greater than in a time like this. We had a true Passover, Easter and now a TRUE Pentecost at hand .

Church, do not miss out on a great time of revival , do not let the enemy steal what is rightfully yours in this season . BE ANGRY, HATE what is Evil but do not sin. Our God loves us so much that he didn’t want us to even avenge ourselves but to over come evil with GOOD. Venegance is the LORDS but we MUST get out of the way and pray , declare and bind what is not of God with the true weapons on our warfare.

In the time the enemy wants us to fight.

FOrgive

In this time the enemy wants us to kill .

HEAL

In this time the enemy wants us destroy

BUILD

In this time the enemy wants us quiet

SPEAK

What God asks us to do to overcome an army of evil doesn’t always make sense. Trust me , I understand that. But if God commanded Noah to build and Ark when there was no rain ever recorded, if God ask Moses to lead his people to A Red sea that seemed an impossible barrier that would give the enemies the advantage, If God told Joseph to forgive his brothers after all they did to him and feed them, If God sent Jesus to die for our sins when he was innocent so that you and me could be free.

Then I suggest we do it. I beg we do it.

When they did, what did not make sense. An obedient man saved all of mankind, a man with a stutter led the Children of Israel across a sea without one bit of moisture on their feet, a man sold by his own flesh and blood Became the right hand man to Pharaoh and he blessed his entire family through him, and because Of the greatest act of obedience of all time , a man that chose to die without sin , so that all our sins could be forgiven . The greatest hero of all . JESUS! What He did , made no sense. But because of Jesus we live forever.

We must not be the man who was forgiven of much and go out and demand from others who owe us. After that man’s debt that he could not pay was just forgiven.

Let’s do the opposite right now, and see a mighty move of God. Unite in arms Children of GOD Open your eyes see the full picture and examine your hearts. We have lived for this moment, we have anticipated this mighty move of God ! WE must not hand it over to the enemy.

A man of peace was brutally killed George FLoyd, a man who wanted to see God transform lives, like God did his. Let’s honor him the best we can and come together, to push back darkness with our light. For George and for many others. Let’s finish his mission.

The enemy wants us to take revenge in our own hands because scattered and alone fighting each other is what he wants. Even the enemy knows a kingdom divided against itself Can not stand. Let’s divide the kingdom of darkness family. Let’s see good win !

UNITED WE WILL STAND! UNITED WE SPEAK UP IN UNITY ! UNITED WE SPEAK UP FOR THE POOR AND THE OPPRESSED. UNITED WE WILL FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS WITH THE RIGHT WEAPONS AND THE BATTLE PLAN FROM HEAVEN !

This is how we should pray today.

OUR FATHER WHO ARE IN HEAVEN , HALLOWED BE THY NAME

THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE

ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN,

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD AND FORGIVE US OF OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US

LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL

FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM ! THE POWER ! AND THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER

IN JESUS PRECIOUS NAME, AMEN

I command right now all eyes to be opened and all hearts to be guarded in this time. I cast out any root of bitterness the enemy has planted. I command every evil thought that has taken root to be burned in the name of Jesus.

I declare Children of God , we will not miss out on our promise land. Together, we will see a mighty move of God. WE won’t miss it ❤

I pray that the mighty battle plan of God be brought to all believers during this time, that we listen for his voice so we will see victory to ALL injustice. That every believer know that God is for them and wants his children to come close and be comforted and equipped with the next step. Cry out to our Father, he is waiting. In Jesus name , AMEN

Before you Sleep, smile at me

You toss and turn , snuggle deep

My eyes lock on , you pretend to sleep

You find comfort , the perfect place

My mind is at peace, when I see your face

You open your eyes , I am here

My heart is proud , you want me near

You doze in and out , I could cry

My pride for you , I can’t deny

You look up , you investigate for a while

Then as you drift , I see a smile

That smile is a gift , before you rest

My love for you , I give my best

You drift to sleep, you breathe so still

My mind tries guilt , against my will

You are my baby , you grow so fast

My joy for you , will always last

Now mommy’s turn , I am in and out

My heart so full, I could shout

I close my eyes , lay down my head

Guilt is gone , I give grace instead

I keep real still, so you will not wake

I love being mommy , I also love a little break

Then as I drift off , as still as can be

I hear a whisper ,beloved , will you smile at me?

This poem is inspired by the smiles of my children before they sleep. The joy and love I feel when they take a moment for that one last smile . It reminds me that our Daddy in heaven also loves for us to just be comforted by his presence , to look his way and smile with perfect peace and confidence in Him.

Like a child

“Truly I say to you, unless you will be converted and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:3

You know the days where your kids have seemingly lost their minds and you question your sanity ? You know on those days that one child in particular will try you over and over and just forget all the rules . Well this was the exact scenario a few days ago with my second to youngest daughter Jayden.

If anyone knows Jayden , you know she is my free spirited , soft hearted, and super hilarious child . I am pretty sure broadway or some sort of acting is in her future ok. She is our child that we are able to look at in a certain way and she will stop doing whatever it is that is wrong . But this day in particular just wasn’t happening .

So of course , I lose it . I “tried” to be calm , I “tried” to let it not build up . But yeh, I failed .Honestly ,what she was doing wasn’t horrific, it was just all throughout the day little things that were clearly defiant and just aggravating ( for lack of better words).Of course I let guilt set in and I came to her and assured her that getting correction was not wrong; however , the way I corrected was.

I probably looked like a toddler throwing a tantrum honestly haha ( it’s funny now, but I felt horrible). So we had our talk and everything calmed down probably because we assured each other that everything was settled.

I know it sounds bad , but I was like , yeh I feel bad how I reacted , but at least now she’s listening ( don’t hate me , I am human too) . As soon as that thought crossed my mind , Jayden asked me “ mom, can I have some ice cream and then go to the trail to ride scooters. “

If y’all could see my face . I thought to myself , (this is going to sound bad) , but I thought …. “did she really just ask for dessert annnnnd going to a trail to ride her scooter when we finally just had some peace between each other . “ Thank God I kept that thought to myself , even though my face may have talked for me . If I would have spoken too quickly I would have missed what the Holy Spirit was showing me in that moment .

You see , even though we said sorry and made things right and I DID forgive her , I was still shocked that she just so openly asked for not one but two things. It was already getting late , I’m already exhausted and it was getting to the point of settling down , I mean completely inopportune timing . I didn’t even have time to really just come to terms with my own attitude and forgive myself fully and apparently not fully forgetting what she had done ( I’m not God).

Heck, I was still analyzing what part of her childhood memories I messed up or the guilt of possibly breaking her spirit haha. ( only funny now).

How could my child even feel comfortable coming to me after a day full of agitation.

That’s when the revelation hit .

Many times in life I would hide my needs , wants, desires, even failures from God because let’s face it , I wasn’t where I thought I should be . People would say , “ come as you are” and when I did I was the object of judgement and gossip. Like, listen I didn’t choose my superpower at the time to be crazy, depressed, and needy ok. I brought my demons and the people fled . So , I thought if church people who aren’t perfect like God are ashamed of me , how much more will My perfect Father be .

Ouch , yeh I was super wrong and my belief system was influenced by a lot of outward and religious spirits ( including me , so cringe).

What the Holy Spirit was showing me through Jayden was boldness , faith in her mother’s love and ability to meet her demands despite her outward actions . You see , God doesn’t want us to come boldly to the throne room of Grace because we are perfect and never mess up on our own . He wants for us to come boldly and have confidence in his grace and in his position as our Abba ( daddy) in heaven , so that he can meet the needs. We come boldly because he is well pleased with Jesus and he sees Jesus , so whew. Whether it be healing, financial, spiritual, unanswered questions , behavior, whatever it is we need to come boldly.

See unlike God I have limitations in my flesh , I am unable to forget when my daughter just sinned so sometimes it lingers , Even though I want to give her all she asks , sometimes that something extra is conditional.

With God we are saved by grace , nothing we did, it is a gift. He is not shocked or surprised when we come to him after acting foolish , asking bold requests . He is constant in our relationship, he is forgiving , he wipes the slate clean constantly . You see he isn’t limited in his sight by our flesh , because it’s been covered in Jesus blood . He sees Jesus .

So rest easy friends and go boldly to the throne room of grace fully forgiven asking and making requests know to our Father.

He isn’t going to look at you like I did my daughter shocked at how could so many requests be made after a day of aggravation. No, he is pleased that we trust and believe that he made a way for us to be this close. The good news is we don’t have to be disntant from God’s power like before Jesus sacrificed his life and torn the veil. Now we are seated near at his right hand basking in his presence , not hindered by our behavior . We are only hindered by our unbelief of Jesus sacrifice and unbelief of who we are in Him.

I pray today that you come boldly to our Father and make all requests known, tell him where you are lacking in any area. Draw closer to Him and bask in his presence . Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you to the throne room of grace and his powerful presence . Then you will see that despite your behavior or outward issues , your Daddy is waiting for you to come to him so he can show you a way out .

I pray that you no longer depend on your own ability to be righteous or holy but, Jesus’ ability to be righteous and Holy. I pray that you see yourself the way God does and when you accept that love , you will start seeing others in that way as well. In Jesus name , amen

Will we have weak days , will we have days where we don’t “feel” spiritual … yes, but even though we are not constant , God is . His promises are yes and amen, unconditionally and with all sincerity .

There is not a better confidant, friend,and helper than the spirit of God . Only he can give perfect direction and action plans . So come boldly brothers and sisters, he’s waiting with excitement .

So lord , I choose to come To you as my child comes to me . Boldly and knowing that she is forgiven. Knowing I want what is best for her and want to see her succeed . Knowing I want to help her solve her issues . Knowing I want to see her well and pursuing the purpose she was made for . Knowing despite her mistakes I will help every way I can.

Remember ….

We are not Perfect alone, so let’s rest and rely on the ONE who is . God ❤️ …People , even me , can’t give you perfect relationship. Only HIM .

Blessings and favor over each of you amen !

0% chance

Yesterday was a cool and windy day. We saw a bit of snow flurries and was of course excited! (even though it was a small deal to people around here who are used to it, it was a big deal to us ) But here’s the thing .

Every news station station forecasted a 0%chance of snow . It wasn’t a 20% or 30% chance . It was flat out 0%. When I see that number , it means absolutely no chance . Literally NO chance . No expectation! So even flurries is more than 0% chance . Right ?

Ok, I think I got that point across . So now …

Fast forward to later that night. I was on the phone with my parents , laying on the couch with my husband and our youngest child , when suddenly I heard this loud wind ! 💨 Not only did I hear this wind , it also pierced through the drafty window sending a chill down my leg . I thought to myself , oh it’s been windy all day , just more of the same. You know , be “logical”, even though deep deep down I am like , what if it’s snow? Well, A few seconds later I heard small pitter patter on the window . Then I thought ,oh my gosh maybe it IS snow foreal! Then I said to myself no, it’s just leaves and continued on with the conversation with my parents on the phone.

After all 0% means no chance.

Well , then again I felt another blast of air and said , hold on let me check outside . I finally decided to look out the window . My eyes got wide and jaw dropped ! IT’S SNOWING ! It’s SNOWING ! It wasn’t only snowing , It was FIERCELY snowing and accumulating .

I immediately said mom and dad , it’s snowing! You know since they didn’t hear me scream it already .I honestly forgot the conversation we were having and looked over to my husband said “Michael ! look it’s snowing .”

Unfortunately for them .It didn’t stop there .

I opened the blinds and kept telling michael “look , look! ” I then told my parents that I was switching to video chat, so they could see why I was so excited. Oh the snow fell so beautifully as if it were dancing around like glitter in front of the porch light . It caught my full attention.

You see , Everything I was distracted by, was put on hold , I was in such awe ( I love snow) and I kept saying “look look look ! “

That’s when the revelation hit ….

I thought of how many times in my life have I hoped for something , prayed for something , and constantly watched for it, only to become logical by the fear of sounding ridiculous. How many times have I been so hopeful only to be told there is NO chance ? How many times have I missed the signs of favorable conditions and the beautiful reminders of what was promised to me ( like those beautiful flurries throughout the day), only to be distracted by something else going on .How many times did I lose excitement and hope because people around me wasn’t excited.

Honestly too many times to count .

Today I was reminded …How this world judges whether or not something is possible , is by things we can see . Today I was reminded… that being told that I am not the right fit by the world’s standards , doesn’t mean that I am not the perfect fit for God’s assignment.

To the world the wayward son or daughter has a 0% chance of being trusted or used in this society.

To the world , the stay at home mom doesn’t have enough connections or intellect to think for herself or let alone be something bigger than herself.

To the world, a man who has consistently made poor decisions , will never be respectable or trustworthy .

To the world , the homeless drug addict , will never be anything more than one step away from a relapse .

To the world, the color of your skin ,has some sort of measurement of how trustworthy or capable you are .

To the world , the church member who doesn’t know the lingo , who doesn’t have a clique or family ties , will never make it anywhere in the church ministry.

Oh but God has shown time and time again, he doesn’t choose by world’s standards or opinions . He takes the world’s 0% chances and turns them into a mighty wind , a storm that rushes in and grabs the attention of everyone who didn’t believe.

It’s isn’t about what is forecasted by worldly gauges or assessments . It is about the unseen favorable conditions, and it has nothing to do with the outside , it is about what only He sees on the inside .

I heard recently , that no one understands what is happening when it’s happening.

I don’t understand everything right now, I don’t know how everything will turn out , but I do know this . My 0% chance and your 0% chance ,with Christ, has endless possibility .

Don’t give up hope , don’t miss out on the tiny reminders , don’t let distractions and blinders keep you from seeing everything you prayed for and everything God has called you to do unfolding right before your eyes .

This is the season of putting away your distractions, the world’s expectations, and faulty gauges. This is the season where your strongholds become weak ! This is the season of things happening that YOU don’t even see happening. This is the season that you finally stop doubting in this area and you will peek out of those blinds and see this mighty storm bringing what you believed could be true . Oh this season you will be in awe , you will shout look , look, look … look what the lord has done !

This season I have decided ….

I won’t take my chances , I’ll take my promise!

How could he ?

We all have that family member or friend that likes to come to your home , examine every inch of it, and start “calling out” small areas that are not in order. Sometimes they even go as far as telling you how to rearrange your home like “they would.” Then later you find yourself visiting the very same person, only to find that their home is in complete chaos. I immediately think …. “ wait, I was so embarrassed by a few simple things that needed touching up In my home that was called out by this person …. only to find out that their house is looking like this behind that beautifully decorated door.

When I started writing this, I was reminded of a quick revelation I jotted down weeks ago about my children in this very area. I decided not to post it because a similar revelation was posted by someone else . So I thought , ok, no need, so I stopped writing it . At 5 am I woke up and yeh , I couldn’t sleep until I finished what I initially started writing. Turns out the message is different . So it’s needed lol … ok back to the story.

Autumn is our child that delights in doing the right thing. She absolutely loves order, rules, and structure. She loves the straight and narrow. She knows how to let loose and be fun and she will help ANYONE In need ,but she lacks patience with anyone that is not the same way as her.

With that being said . One day Autumn walked by Nathan’s room , then literally out of nowhere , she announces on the echo dot, “Nathan Bradley Stripling, your bed is not made and your toys are not put up .” Nathan said “well close the door , it’s not hurting you .” She then announced again , “ I’m telling mom to go look at your room because it’s bothering me and I can’t stand how you are ok with this mess.”

I decided to intervene , but this time I felt prompted to go get Autumn and bring her to her OWN room. I said Autumn , “why are you so upset about Nathan’s room ? “ she said ,”mom, I had to get up this morning and clean up my room before I started the day, why doesn’t he ? I just don’t see how he can live with his room like that? I don’t see how you aren’t telling him to clean up?”

Or Better yet, explain to Nathan, why it’s important to keep his room clean . For example , if an emergency happens or if he is trying to run around , he can trip and fall if all that mess is on the floor . It’s best to maintain your room daily so that you won’t trip later .” She said “exactly mom!”

I said Autumn , “when I came to get you I felt prompted to come to your room, and not his.” I know you like things in order , but, if you are that concerned , why don’t you gently correct Nathan and then offer help to clean it up.

That’s when the revelation began ….

I then realized from past experience, that when she is so deeply concerned about Nathan , more than normal , there is definitely something deeper going on. So I asked ,” Autumn , what is going on with you. “ she said “mom, nothing, I just want Nathan to do what’s right because I am.”

I then said Autumn ,” let’s inspect your room the way you inspected Nathan’s” she said “ ok, fine.” I walked around and everything looked great. Her toys were in order , her bed was made , her dresser was dusted . She was standing their looking so proud . Then, came the closet . As I opened the door , I could see she immediately remembered that she stuffed everything she didn’t feel like dealing with as she cleaned up her room that morning .

I said “Autumn, why are you telling on Nathan, when your closet looks like this . Did you think I wouldn’t see it . She said “no, mom I forgot.” I told her “ you forgot about your mess in your closet , because you walked by Nathan’s room and got so caught up in what he wasn’t doing right, that you were blinded from seeing your own mess . Isn’t it more dangerous to come into a room you think is clean and trust that it’s ok, only to open the closet and be hit with all this mess piled up.”

She looked at me and said “ mom, I am sorry , can you please help me so I don’t get hurt by this stuff falling down .” I said , “ yes , and then afterwards we are going to help Nathan . Now that you have been humbled by the mess that you needed help cleaning up, you will no longer be concerned with being right or that you did more than him, now you are concerned with his overall safety and his ability to walk without stumbling . “

See correction is great , It doesn’t always feel great, but it’s so appreciated when it’s done in love and with a humble heart. I truly believe it’s not what you say , it’s not even always how you say it … it’s why .

Are you correcting because you are in so much chaos yourself , that focusing on someone else’s house is just easier to live with than facing your own disorder ? Are you correcting because you have gotten so good at decorating that door ,that you yourself have forgotten or even ignored the mess that is behind it?

I have done all of the above . Sometimes without even realizing that’s why I was doing it. One verse that changed my walk with God from religious to relationship , was this very verse .

““Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Matthew 7:3

Ouch ! Yes ouch ! Not only does it hurt imagining a plank in your eye , but to realize you have been walking around with a plank so big ,that you have become blind and now your eye is becoming infected , is excruciating.

I remember the time in my life when I really started allowing God to expose and work on my heart.

It got UGLY ! but just as quickly as Autumn got help by me , Jesus said I am here to help you clean this up.

Then your concern about the dust in the other person’s eye will be dealt with properly .

See , now that you have two healthy eyes , you can use tweezers to carefully help them remove the dust that they are unable to see themself. Without damage !

See , we all need daily maintenance or self evaluation. Tackling our mess with the help of Jesus is absolutely necessary . Correction in love with the right intentions is so beneficial.

So today I choose to be so concerned with Jesus helping me clean my mess, that I will be in the right position to help someone else .

I will choose today to take a good look at what’s in my closet . In the process , humility will immediately set in and when I do correct someone , it will be received the right way .

Today I ask you, are you more concerned with everyone else doing right because you know what’s right and have done it? Or are you concerned with everyone doing right with a haughty heart and a messy closet ?

Either way Jesus is the best organizer and mess cleaner ! As soon as you search for the mess and find it, he’s over there like Mr. clean , ready for you to ask for help to clean it up !

If you realize that this is you, just pause,ask God to search your heart and your whole House .

What are you forgetting about in your closet because you happened to walk by and get fixated on someone else’s dirty room ?

We have all done this ! So you are not alone .This is so crucial in our spiritual health and the lives around you.

The real question … How could I ?

Blessings !

Nathan and Autumn working together. When they are in sync , they achieve amazing things !

“Rebuilder”… I am willing to be well.

If someone asked if they could tear down your house right now , would you let them ? No! right ?


But ….


What if they asked if they could tear down your house and promise to rebuild a brand new one ! For Free!!!

I can’t speak for Anyone else, but I would run, jump ,skip, and hop to the opportunity.

See, we know our homes better than anyone. We see the things we need to fix everyday, but the task seems so daunting. Don’t get me wrong , I love a good DIY ! I love a good renovation show ;however, I lack the skill to know how . So for a builder to come in and offer to tear it down ,then completely rebuild it, would have me running straight across town to purchase a sledgehammer and start DEMO Day. ( as Chip Gaines would say.)

Well… you would think so … right ?

In the process of tearing down the home, memories start to flood your mind . You start doubting how can all of this be torn down and built into something brand new. .

What if I don’t know what I want the new one to look like ?

What if In the process of tearing down my home I harm other homes around me ?

What if I don’t know how to live in a home that is brand new , what if I don’t like change and even though this home is hurting me and my family it’s all I have known.

Change is scary ! What if this new house can’t be built ?

What if I don’t know how to live in a new house ?

What if the debris hits an innocent bystander ?

I am scared to have a brand new home , I will feel like I can’t touch anything or that every mistake is magnified, because now everything is new.

But you see my old house already does that. When the wind blows shingles blow off and hits my neighbors . When the rain comes it leaks through the roof and onto my family.

When the cold comes warmth escapes through the huge cracks in the foundation.

What do I have to lose? A broken, leaky, house on a foundation is bound to collapse …. What do I have to lose? The constant reminder everyday that this and that needs to be fixed . What do I have to lose ? A hefty debt that I will no longer owe because I am offered this gift completely free .

With this arrangement I will no longer be paying for the old house and it’s problems to be fixed . I will remember the old house and what problems needed to be fixed but I am no longer living there.

Of course the new house will have things broken and torn along the way , but now you no longer have to worry because the builder also comes with 100% free maintenance . Here’s the catch out of all this .

All you have to do is ASK !

But In order to ask you must believe , because why ask for something you don’t believe will happen ?

See with God we are promised that if we die to our old selves, let our old houses tear down ,He will build us a new home . We don’t need to know what it will look like, or even the interior .. leave that up to him ( the builder) . Not only will He build a strong foundation , fill it with beautiful things, but as the inside and the framing is being done , you will see the outside start coming together . You also do not need to worry because if someone messes up your house or you mess up your house you have 24 hour maintenance .

Our job is not to build, fix , or even inspect the home . Our job is to ask for the inspection,Acknowledge the repairs, then ask for the builder to come repair them ! We must believe he will come, even if we made the damage and choose to follow the plan perfectly paved for us. This is so important because we don’t know the plans the builder has , so how will we know where to start ?

Then we continue to read the manual and ask for an explanation of the instructions to avoid these damages in the future .

Most importantly. We must not let the house start looking like your old house . Because of a lack of maintenance and because you feel like you have too many repairs too frequently . God is the maintenance man and the builder ! His warranty has only one catch ! You must ask and believe he can do it and take the steps to avoid damage. His maintenance is available at all times and there is no limit to how many times he will come repair the damage!

My friends , don’t be afraid of leaving the old home ( your old self) that caused you hurt , pain , instability, and a foundation that was one storm away from collapsing .

I understand being excited about your future with God , but also not knowing how to accept a gift freely. I understand being weighed down by all the building and repairs being done , that you want to end the deal and just stay in the comfort of your broken home.

You see , I have been riddled with anxiety, fear, and depression from a very young age. It wasn’t until I met the lord that I realized I am not really sure I ever really had peace. When I received peace , it was foreign and honestly I was a bit apprehensive . For anyone who meets Jesus after only knowing being sick , really understands that , yeh, health sounds amazing … but do I even want to be healthy? How scary is it that I have managed my sickness all these years by helping others to feel alive and dosing myself with half of the medication Jesus offers .

Like half sick 😩 ….

There is a story in the Bible about a man who was unable to walk for 38 years and Jesus asked if he wanted to get well ! When I heard the story , I did NOT think .. wow , why did God have to ask him if he wants to be well ?

No, I sat there bawling my eyes out because I truly believe God was asking me the same. I understood why the man had to be asked .

Of course I want peace , of course I want healing . But , I have never had it before …. I’m not sure I can live without anxiety and depression it became my identity since I was a child . I don’t even know what it feels like . Peace used to be a scary word , because then comes destruction.

But oh let me tell you, there is life after anxiety and depression. It tries to creep it’s head but is no longer my identity. This is why .

See Jesus is one of those top notch builders . He not only builds the home , he is also there giving you strength and slowly revealing to you progress. Along the way, others who have had him come and remodel their homes,brings words of affirmation to assure you that you are in good hands . Your community reminds you to keep a good line of communication at all times with the builder , because I mean …. This is a God size job after all.

Today my friends God is asking , do you want to be healed ?

God is asking , are you willing to let that house come down and allow him to rebuild it this time?

Are you half sick like I was so many years , not ready to go all in and let the lord transform from the inside out.

For me, I first had to read some reviews. I needed to know others experience . I needed to know what this builder could do. That’s why it so important to share your testimony.

When you are ready to seal the deal.The first step is believing . John 3:16! Then Get to know him and trust him. Daily call the builder and let him inspect and handle all the repairs needed and thank him for a job well done. Read the instruction book daily in order to get to know your new home and the one who built it. Remember, Reading this contract and knowing exactly what is being offered also reminds you of what you are promised.

The good news…

The terms of agreement is infinite so no need to worry about renewing your contract ❤️.

Hebrews 3:4 For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.

Rebuilder by Carrolton Band
Family DIY project 2019

More than a shape…

This morning as I was headed downstairs, I was eagerly anticipating what sort of message my husband left for me. When he drives to work by himself he leaves a sweet, funny or encouraging note and sticks it somewhere he knows I will see it .

Most of the time the kids find it first because they rush down the stairs also looking for it .This morning his message was different than the rest and the kids quickly took notice . Jayden said, “mom, he didn’t write anything … he just cut out a shape.” Then she quickly handed it to me in disappointment. She was so used to seeing a message written down on each note , that even though there was a note ,there wasn’t a big obvious message written down that she could plainly see . To me though, being the recipient, very quickly I saw that the beautiful shape was a sweet freshly cut out heart …

I reminded Jayden ,”daddy couldn’t write a message because he didn’t have a pen 🖊, since we brought them all to the basement .” She said “ooooooooh yeah!!!! “ in her funny Jayden voice . She then looked at the shape again and said “it’s a heart ! Why didn’t I see that before ? “ I said ,” it’s because you looked for a message that was obvious and written down to know what daddy was trying to say . When you didn’t see it you got discouraged . Also you were trying to receive the message that was for mommy.

We can so obviously see what God is trying to say when the message is written plainly or through revelations of others . They know how the father speaks to them and they share the excitement. Only through a personal relationship will you begin to see how God communicates with you . Oh how I wish I knew this years ago.

See, I spent most of my life doubting the way God spoke to me because of a pastor that told me God didn’t reveal things to women. Despite reading truth, I figured I missed something because I wasn’t raised in the traditional church setting. For years I kept quiet and wrote in my journals and felt like I was in a relationship I had to hide .

Through trials and tribulations I finally reached the ultimate low . I literally went to bed knowing I was somehow a mistake and that Living was not for me. I had this yearning for speaking truths in a different way then I have seen , but didn’t have anyone before me that I knew, that was a woman and did the same . ( thank God I do now) I was done anyway , so I finally spoke out loud all the hurt and pain that I have held onto for so long. Then morning came . I had joy! I can’t explain it. It was literally just like that ! after two years of just, yeah serious hurts.
I was refreshed, I was seeing these beautiful revelations I used to see back when I was in “hiding” of sorts . The more I shared with others the more frequent these moments would come to me . I also realized it never stopped , I was just so clouded by depression and anxiety that I couldn’t see or even think clearly.

You see , like Jayden I thought God stopped showing these moments to me because others were right about God not revealing truth to women ,only through men . Instead of mere moments , I spent over two years in the dark staring at message after message but I was so discouraged I didn’t see it . This morning michael didn’t have a pen , so he used what he had . Just because something has changed doesn’t mean God just says , oh ok … she’s lost . Next person haha !

To my friends . Eagerly anticipate God’s voice in your relationship. He doesn’t hide himself from us. He doesn’t just stop speaking when we need him most . If you feel the way I did, remember this . It may not be a clear written out message everyone understands or even the typical way God speaks to you . This time he is doing a new thing and showing you things in a different way . Sometimes it won’t make sense to others because like my sweet daughter , the message wasn’t for her , it was for me .

So , whether you are in your valley or scaling the mountain tops , he is still speaking to you . God is good whether we are or not .❤️ He chose us , even when we fail to keep choosing him.
He doesn’t give us the cold shoulder , he actively pursues us!

Rest easy in His promises my sweet friends.